Note to my 10-year old self
Hey little one!
Can I pass on something? To be honest I am tired of living in survival mode. I’d like you to keep in mind certain things and life will be a little less cold with you.
Firstly, you have never deserved the abuse you were born into and you did nothing to perpetuate it. Moreover, your worth never depends upon how the people around you treat you. Situations might, but never let people discourage you. You’re a warrior and once you break your cocoon and face your fears everything is going to work out. Don’t let insecurities keep you back from explorations.
Secondly, I know how you enjoy being alone sometimes, how you are your own amusement and how you know nobody will understand you. But your spirit animal is social on certain days of the week. Go make friends. Make wrong friends and make right friends. Both will guide you closer to your future self — me. But never make excuses for people who hurt you. Don’t lie to yourself about why they hurt you and if they do that consistently never spend the time and energy. Choose to step away and keep your heart safe. There is always a person waiting to embrace it. Somebody who will lighten your load.
Lastly, having witnessed things from your future — don’t be harsh on yourself. Yeah I know you’re the Buttercup Powerpuff Girl, you’re all strong, but your hate for everything else should always balance your love for yourself. You are allowed to keep your hands off everything at hand. You can take really long breaks until you wish to go back to the routine. All this wouldn’t make you unlovable. You’re not for all. All are not for you. You’re your own strength. You’re your own weakness. And everything beyond that starts with acceptance. Discover and accept what you are. Undergo multiple metamorphosis and gradually you will be proud of you like I am.
You can absolutely control what you become emotionally. Start where you are, use what you have and do whatever you want to. I do remember and owe a lot to you.
Love,
Your future self
